mortal man

unwraps paper
     slow, slow
mutters maybes because
    multitudes Must know
hunches in drab tones --
and the jaw's stretch
and the chew's stick
and the breeze on his freckled crown
shrinks his limbs in
    huddled, hunkered, hardly

perhaps at 22, 23
one's ears awake --
this demeaning coda
sings insipid
"what's it all ab-OW-it?  what's it all ab-OW-it?"
sotto voce mezzo forte
throbbing of the soul
beyond a #6, no onions,
    small fry

Blue Like Jazz: the movie - an open letter/review

Dear Don & Steve,

Here is my review of Blue Like Jazz.  It doesn’t read like a review, but this is the only way I could write it.  This is a movie that makes you talk, yet it’s so very hard to talk about.

I invited a large group of my friends to the opening night of Blue Like Jazz.  Two were able to come: one Christian and one atheist.  I sat between the two at the theater.

I was nervous as hell.

I felt compelled to explain each scene that might not be “comfortable” to either friend.  I anxiously shifted in my seat when anything that could potentially be dubbed “too secular” or “too Christian” appeared.  I leaned over to whisper to both that Renn Fayre had actually been toned down, according to the movie’s website, just in case it wasn’t believable enough to them.

And then I finally realized that this wasn’t just an issue of who I was sitting between.  This was a war inside myself. 

I work near a large number of rehabilitation centers in the Twin Cities area, and my office often receives police updates about recently released inmates coming to the area.  I stare at photos of sex offenders and I cry, not only for their innocent, naive victims, but for the offender himself and the help he either never received or refused because of lies he believed.  I mourn the fact that Christians are often seen as uncaring, uncompassionate, judgmental Pharisees when I know that my concern for “the least of these” is shared by so many.

As a philosophy minor, I also deeply value logic and truth, even when the truth is hard or offensive.  Though I wrestle with God’s punishment as issued throughout scripture, I don’t deny the validity or necessity of it.  I mourn the lack of passion some Christians seem to have for truth being known or told.

Therein lies my everlasting internal debate: I can understand when lies are told or believed and thus, have the responsibility to confront them.  But I understand the hurt that empowers those lies, and my heart breaks for that pain.

This movie opened my eyes to that war.  It proceeded to deal with the war in ways that were real, uncomfortable, and disarming.  Was every curse word condemned?  No.  Was every anti-Biblical behavior pointed out and ultimately redeemed?  No.  But that isn’t what Blue Like Jazz set out to do.  It set out to re-open the conversation of faith in God.  I have now seen Blue Like Jazz twice.  Both times, I’ve had hours-long conversations afterward.  This movie evened the playing field, showing us that neither Christians nor agnostics nor atheists nor any other proponent of any other religion is perfect, and none of us should act as if we are.  That doesn’t mean there isn’t knowable truth in life. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t share that knowable truth.  It just means that we share it as one who is amazed, flawed, humble, and loved.

All that said, here are a few of my less important observations of the film:

Best worst pick-up line: “It’s ok…I’m just recycling!”

Things I caught after seeing it a second time:

• Don rearranging the stars on his dorm room ceiling as his perspectives on life, faith, and God changed.
• The Brooke Fraser poster in the hall nearby Penny’s dorm.
• Penny’s astronaut self wearing the mittens Don gave her as a present.
• The rooster alarm clock crowing three times the morning after Don “didn’t technically deny anything, but…” (I actually caught this the first time, but it was such a cool moment that I had to mention it!)

Questions I want to ask Don & Steve:

• Why was Don’s name Lewis Dagg when he was in the bookstore?
• Will the movie soundtrack be available on iTunes?
• Why was name of the actor who played the dean of students at Reed in all lowercase letters in the credits?
• Would you say the two churches that were portrayed in the movie were archetypes or stereotypes, and why?
• Does that “scrounge” section really exist in Reed’s cafeteria?

Things I want to thank Don & Steve for:

• Giving me a book I’m proud to recommend to any of my friends.
• Giving me a CD from which I took my high school AIM screen name (RoaringLamb) and which gave me faith that Christian music could be interesting and not have “God” in every lyric.
• Giving me a movement to believe in and be a part of.

Community

evening bookended by gin;

dawn by coffee

ah my sweets

you dull the noble itch

nestled deep in hazy(self-important annoyance)

courted by a vapor       a wisp

            a blade of glass

left laughing with

my furniture

Japanese

hotel rooms make up for poor luxury

with rich privacy

so many mirrors make

(you)r world seem bigger

and burnt maps give

that warm feeling          

not being

able to figure where’s

home

must just                      

be here be here

without

blood’s pressure